I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
