Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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