We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
