He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
