i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
