i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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