Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
