According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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