We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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