It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
