Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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