He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
