Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
