When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
