How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
