I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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