I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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