just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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