if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
