Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
