i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
