I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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