So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
