U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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