Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
