yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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