I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
