Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
