just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Quick, to the slutcave!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
