Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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