Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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