Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
