i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're too hungover to prance.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
