This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
