The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
