I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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