Your mouth is God's brothel.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
