I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
