True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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