why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
