You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
