In America we eat man semen.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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