I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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