You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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