i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
