I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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