Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
