I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
