Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
