someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just pynch a tree in the face
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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