like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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