Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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