Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
