I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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