Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
