I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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