Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
