I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
