Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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