I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
