the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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