I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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