look no pants
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
