I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
