I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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