he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
