Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
