are you so shy because you have an std?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
