so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
