Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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