i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
