mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i dont even know how to be here
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
