He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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